Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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