come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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