My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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