I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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