i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
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"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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