I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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