you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize