he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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