Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize