Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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