Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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