it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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