OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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