a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
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so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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