By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize