just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize