you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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