i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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