you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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