i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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