I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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