90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize