Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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