I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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