All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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