theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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