My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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