i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you didnt know i had herpes?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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