I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize