Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
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that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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