I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize