I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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