Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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