Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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