Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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