this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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