one might say we're banned from that church
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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