fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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