Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize