I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize