You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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