all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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