I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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