gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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