He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize