I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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