i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We are all done wearing pants today
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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