if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize