I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mom said you looked used
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize