Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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